Would you recognise the ‘Red Flags’ in mental health if you saw them?

Recognising the red flags to indicate poor mental health, can be difficult especially if a person you care about has already been diagnosed and prescribed with something else, by a professional. In 2024 - 25 in the UK around 8.9 million adults and children were prescribed antidepressants, but what for?. Many of them for anxiety and depression, but what is causing that anxiety and depression?. Neurodiversity, ADHD, Autism, PTSD, OCD and more are on the rise. Young children and adults are on anti-depressants because they are feeling low, or struggling with anxieties at home, school or in social environments but why?.

Today, a child will have experienced a mental health condition at least once by the age of 11 and from as young as 6 years old. That is incredible you might say. How did it get this bad?. It hasn’t. It is just more recognised and addressed now than it used to be. Kids and young adults suffered in silence decades ago. Today, we are a more open society.

There are also a lot of people who go un-diagnosed especially the older generations due to the limited knowledge and support we had decades ago.

Old School lack of knowledge

My father was born in 1938, he witnessed his mothers death at the age of 4 and was brought up by his father and a (not so nice) step mother who sadly, subjected him to physical and mental abuse until he was old enough to leave home. She actually would be in prison today for her crimes, as times have changed but that’s another story.

My dad joined the National Service in 1954 as soon as he was old enough at 17. He was married with 2 children very young, and divorced by 25. At no point did my dad get offered any counselling for his trauma as a child and young adult, or for witnessing his mums death at age 4, so he carried on with the crippling memories, flash backs, anger, hurt, sadness, worthlessness, building up inside him, defining him as a human being.

By the time he was 26 he had met my mum and my older brother who was 5 whom he adopted legally and they were happy but, unknown to her, the damage was already done. He was already masking his self depleted worthless persona, with very low self esteem and that was just the beginning. He started to drink at age 27, and it got worse.

Moving on years later, his years of alcohol abuse to himself and abuse to us was really the post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) he had that was never diagnosed by a GP but of course in 70’s and 80’s, PTSD was never mentioned at all. My dad was just diagnosed an alcoholic and told to go to AA meetings, which lasted about 2 weeks and he carried on drinking. Alcohol abuse versus PTSD is of course a double edge sword, the vicious cycle, so his condition just got worse.

Long story short, my mum and dad separated after 25 years and my mum, then very skinny and worn out just refused to take any more abuse or cope with the mood swings so she called time on the marriage. She, also didn’t know what PTSD was at that point or that he could possibly be struggling with anything else except bad choices and alcohol damage. They really did not get the opportunity to make things right with my dad.

I lost touch with my dad for 2 years but he finally got in touch and from then I would visit him down in Oxfordshire where he had moved to be near family. His depression and moods didn’t seem so bad living in the country, it seemed to calm him but his drinking however had not improved . I realised later, he had simply adjusted to a different lifestyle but still carried the same demons around with him. Then sadly with COPD (Chonic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) in 2014, aged 75 he took ill and was admitted to hospital. Unexpectedly, he died in my arms, 4 days later on April 1st, which oddly the cause of death was actually Cancer which nobody knew he had.

Many times in the past, before he died, my dad used to say to me that he had done nothing with his life, he was a nobody and he couldn’t wait to go. He was so down on himself and life. I told him that he had been through some things no child or adult should have to go through and yet he just “ got on with it” which really was something very brave and made him very strong. I realised back then he should have got some help, he had been robbed of a good life, but at that point, it wasn’t looking very good for him.

Me and my dad on holiday in wales 1976 heatwave

“I wish I knew what I know now, when my dad was alive. I would have been able to get him the help he should have had. As a therapist now, I would have been able to help him and understand what was going on in his head, and explain to him how things can get better with a little help.”

As for me, going back to 2000 I wasn’t coping very well with some personal things going on, I lost a lot of weight and I went to my GP and was prescribed anti-depressants for anxiety and depression. They told me I would likely need these indefinitely as a coping measure but why? why?. No explanation why just, that’s how it is?. What were they not telling me? or what didn’t they know? more like. This made me feel very inferior and I literally never really understood why I was on medication but, just accepted it and I kept on going. I knew I had struggled all my life feeling different, but I just didn’t join up the dots at the time.

New Knowledge

Fast forward to now, 2025 I am now diagnosed ADHD at 55 years old. Imagine how angry I felt, that GP’s in 2000 didn’t actually see the red flags and instead of getting me diagnosed for ADHD in my 30’s, they just sent me packing with pills for anxiety and depression. I did however feel exceptionally relieved and liberated to know I wasn’t broken, I was just wired differently .

I cant talk to my dad about it now he is gone but I can talk to my mum who doesn’t understand any of it. She is 88 and doesn’t know what it all is. She cannot understand why I was totally ok as a child but now I am saying I am ADHD. The trouble is, mum never noticed that I wasnt ok. I got sick a lot, had migraines, had low moods, struggled socially. She thought I just hated school. I struggled with classes, teachers told her I didn’t concentrate enough or I distracted others a lot, so its no surprise that she doesn’t get it .

I tell you these two stories for a reason: there are lots of signs that indicate someone close to you is struggling with something, but we are not doctors. We cannot self diagnose ourselves or our children or parents but we can look out for the signs and ensure they get the support they need from the right network of people. We cannot decide whether someone needs meds or if they should take them or not, we need to do our research before we make any life changing decisions especially if they are for someone else.

The same goes for ourselves, if you have felt like you don’t fit in or feel different in some way, have struggled in life generally and, this makes you anxious, exhausted, sad, frustrated, then help is out there. Speak to your GP or there are plenty of organisations out there. We are now much further along in the 21st Century with our research and knowledge of mental health and the multitude of conditions out there, so we need to reach out to the help on offer.

ADHD, Autism, medication is available. Some parents choose to opt out for meds for their children but as I have said before, neurodiverse is not a choice, its a wiring so, we must look at the right options for the best results. It suits some but not others and there are many to try before deciding.

Imagine an ADHD mind as a powerful race car with insufficient brakes (like a bicycle), making it difficult to control speed and impulses.

Can you spot the red flags ? if so, what will you do?

Is he naughty or is he masking his struggles and frustrations?

Talk to your kids, parents, spouses, friends, loved ones, get them support, it is out there now. It wasn’t for some of the older generation. It doesn’t matter how old you are either, some say “I am too old now” but you are not. Some also say “ what does it matter now?” well it does matter. It matters that you know and understand YOU. Everything you have always questioned about yourself, or things you have done can be explained and you can find peace with yourself.

In Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, I meet many clients who have been masking for many years and have lived with so much trauma or self disbeliefs that they are exhausted. Masking causes total debilitation, exhaustion, brain fog, mood swings, social awkwardness and many more. These feelings build up so much stress that even with a diagnosis, they cannot seem to get the stress levels down because they are still living with the built up stress from before, their stress bucket is flowing over so, that’s where I come in.

A few sessions with me and they learn to not only accept themselves for who they are and find self peace and love but they learn to recognise how much they have been masking and realise their full gifts and abilities that they didn’t know were there. They start to live their lives how they should have been for so long. Knowledge is power.

Some clients have actually changed their whole perspective of themselves and life to the point, where they have re-invented themselves.

Knowledge is power .

“I wish I could meet my dad again and tell him, he wasn’t useless, he was my dad, he was loved and it was nothing he did wrong"

Me and my dad during my visits to him in Oxford pre-2000

If you would like to learn more about red flags in mental health, see the link here

If you think you would benefit from some sessions with me to get the stress levels down, and help rid of any conditions caused by that stress, then contact me for a free consultation. Its just a chat to find out if this is for you . I assure you, it will be.

If you are neurodiverse and need a therapist who will understand you, someone like minded, then get in touch.

Check out the rest of my website for more information.

If you or anyone you know is showing signs of depression or you have concerns about, call 111 or see the link here

Alternatively, Mind.org have various contacts to reach out to for help:

Best wishes Alana x